Will It NEVER Stop???

B-Man says there's just no way this job is worth the money...no way. It's startin' to drive him completely crazy. He smokes like a chimney whenever there isn't a camera on him and he's put burn holes in all the carpets in the White House, especially in the Oval Office. When he stubs out a cigarette he doesn't use the ashtray...he just throws it down and crushes it with his foot. He says the taxpayers can buy him a new carpet when his is totally trashed because they owe that to him for what the job is doing to his head.

Here's the latest thing that makes him nuts: that torture thing that everyone is talking about. He says he just wishes it would go away like the pirate thing did. If he could call in the Navy SEALS and have them shoot somebody and solve it, I'm sure he would! He did the next best thing...put it on Eric Holder to decide. Honestly, B-Man is simply NOT good at making decisions! That pirate thing took him forever to figure out and when he finally told the Navy to kill the bad guys it was four days into the situation. He took some heat for that, and some tacky person somewhere started the rumor that the reason he waited so long was to make sure none of the pirates were related to him. Isn't that a childish thing to say?? Anyway, this torture thing is just a mess. He was ready to drop it but a bunch of his loony left-wing Bush-hatin' friends told him he had to take down anybody in the Bush administration that he could and teach them a lesson. I'm not sure what lesson it would teach them, but there's a whole lot of stuff I don't understand about what happens here in Washington. In fact, B-Man says it's the most confusing place he's ever lived and if it wasn't for his secretary and Rahm and other people who lead him around, he'd just go sit in a corner somewhere until it was time to eat the next meal. And he is serious, too!

Another thing I have to tell you, Diary....he's started drinking vodka in the middle of the day! I caught him in the bedroom yesterday sitting on the side of the bed in one of his $2,000 suits the taxpayers bought him, staring off into space with this glass of what looked like water, talking to himself. He was saying, "What have I got myself into?...what have I got myself into?"...over and over and over and he'd take a drink of the "water" every now and then. He didn't see me watching me but when he finally did I went over to him and he buried his head in my lap and said, "Michelle, I'm so scared...I'm so scared...", and he started crying. That's when I smelled the alcohol on his breath, even through that nasty cigarette smell. I'm tellin' you, Diary, he's about to crack. I don't know who is running this country but it sure isn't HIM! And he thought he wanted this job so bad and now he's stuck with it for the next almost four years. I'm beginning to hope he does something so outrageous that he'll get impeached and then we can leave. But heck, I don't know what that would be after Bill Clinton and that stunt with that intern and even THAT wasn't enough to get him out. Maybe B-Man would have to shoot somebody or something. I'm soooo tempted to send that copy I have of his birth certificate to the press...the one that shows he was born in Africa. That would probably get us back to Chicago but if he found out it was me, he'd kill me and then my girls wouldn't have a mommy. No...I guess we're pretty much stuck here.

And then there's Hillary. What an embarrassment to America. I swear, I saw her on television on a news conference the other day and her face looked like she was in one of those machines they put test pilots in where it goes around and around faster and faster and pretty soon their face is all pulled down and scary looking. I'm not sure she's getting any sleep at all because she looks worse than Barbara Bush and Barbara has about 30 years on her!! I'm not sure what's up with her since I avoid her every time I can. What I'm really afraid of is that Bill will be with her and he'll hit on me again like he did during the campaign. It was really uncomfortable then and I'm not sure how I'd handle it now, except to turn him down, of course. I swear, he's such a horn-dog I don't know how Hillary puts up with him. I heard Dennis Miller say that Hillary has been cheated on more often than a blind woman playing Scrabble with the gypsies. Isn't that funny???!!!! Oh, speaking of people on television, I got a glimpse of that Henry Waxman talking about something and that guy gets worse looking every DAY!! Rush calls him "Nostrildamus" and I can see why....I'll bet you could put a golf ball up his nose and he's never even notice. Hahahhaa.....I'm killin' myself today.

Well, let's see....my schedule is pretty light today. I'm going to a wine tasting and then I'm going to read some books to little kids and then it'll be time for my lunch and afternoon nap and then I'll have my nails and hair done with taxpayer money and then it'll be supper time and then some toddies and then off to bed. Just another day in paradise. I can't wait to get out of here, and don't even get me started on that evil dog of ours. I hate that creature.

Toodles
Michelle
XOXOXOXO