We just want one day...ONE DAY...when absolutely nothing happens but I just don't think that'll ever be. Now it's that stupid flu that some stupid people got from the stupid Mexicans and took back with them to stupid New York and gave to other stupid people and now it's spread to New Zealand and Kansas. It's soooo stupid! But people are too stupid to wash their hands and not let anyone cough on them so as far as I'm concerned they deserve to get sick.
B-Man actually came in contact with someone who had that flu when he went to that conference where he kissed up to Chavez and had to listen to that other guy rant and rave about how bad America was and then B-Man didn't even say anything about it. He came in contact with someone who DIED from that flu just a couple days ago. So you can imagine how scared B-Man is....he's petrified, and every time he coughs or sneezes he calls the White House doctor up to give him a complete physical. We just keep one of those boxes of rubber gloves in the bedroom so the doctor doesn't even have to bring them with him any more. And every time I see B-Man he has a thermometer sticking out of his mouth. If he asks me, "Do I feel hot to you?" one more time I think I'm going to scream. And then....THEN....he said the most idiotic thing I've ever heard: he looked me right in the eye and said, "If I get the Swine Flu it'll be historic...I'll be the first black president of the Unite States to ever get it." I got so mad at him for that I just stomped out of the room and slammed the door behind me.
He's making me wear one of those surgical masks when I'm not in public and I have to wash my hands with that waterless hand cleaner once each hour, even if I haven't touched anything or even been out of the bedroom. B-Man says if I get it then he'll probably get it and if he dies then Joe Biden will be president and he can't even stand the thought of that. Oh...guess what...he even makes Stupid The Dog wear a mask. That dog really, really hates that because the little elastic strap gets tangled in his hair and pulls and makes him go nuts, but B-Man says no dog of his will get a disease named after a pig...it would be humiliating for both of them!
B-Man is still working on his stupid "100 Days" speech. He stands in front of the mirror and practices all his expressions and his hand movements and when he starts with that I just leave the room because I can't stand to watch him. People think he's so natural when he talks but really when he doesn't practice or have the teleprompter he can hardly complete a sentence! He stutters and says..ahhhhhh....and gets all confused and it's really painful to watch. He has a whole bunch of phrases he's memorized and he just sort of plugs them in the right spots when he is asked a question that isn't on the teleprompter. Sometimes he totally blows it...like at that Saint Patrick's Day party with that king from Ireland, or whoever he was, when B-man read the king's speech by mistake. I just shake my head....
While we're on that subject, I wonder what happens after the first 100 days; is there a "first 200 days" and then a "first 300 days" and on and on? I mean where does it stop? Let's see, if he makes it through the whole four years without getting kicked out, that would be 365 times 4 is.....mmmmmmm......mmmmmm....4 times 5 is 20, write down the zero and carry the 2, 4 times 6 is 24 plus the 2 that was carried so that's 26 so I write down the 6 and carry the 2 again, then 4 times 3 is 12 plus the 2 that I carried, so that's 1460 days. So if I divide 1460 by 100, that's 14 with 60 left over, so B-Man would have to give 14 of those stupid speeches and then there would be 60 days where he wouldn't have to make one but he could cover those days in his farewell speech. Whew..that was some HARD math, but I got the answer and that's what's important. B-Man says that no matter how hard you have to work, when you get the answer then it's worth it. Well...that's for other people because we don't really have to work and we've never really had to work. We just get somebody who's really smart to do the work for us, like doing those numbers. But it's good advice for other people, huh? When B-Man gets home I'm going to show him in my Diary how I did those numbers and he'll be really proud of me. He told me once he didn't marry me for my brain, even though I went to law school. Heck, with all that Affirmative Action stuff I hardly had to study at all and I still got really good grades. If you want to know the truth, I don't know a single thing about the law except you're supposed to come to a complete stop at stop signs...not even roll a little, and if you get a speeding ticket and don't pay it the police will issue a warrant for your arrest and you'll be in seriously big trouble. That's it...that's all I know about the law....it would fit on the head of a pin. But it doesn't matter because I'll never have to work again what with B-Man's presidency thing and retirement pay for life and all. And even after he's not president any more, even if he leaves in shame (which will most likely happen), I can still give speeches and make a lot of money doing that.
Oh...one more thing: that Janet Neopolitan woman or whatever her name is...the lady B-Man nominated for leader of Homeland Security. Man...where did he come up with HER?? If she isn't a dike, she missed her calling. She's scary to watch on television, and that memo she wrote about war veterans becoming terrorists is the wackiest thing I've ever heard of! B-Man says she made a whole lot of people mad with that one but he doesn't really care because all those people didn't vote for him anyway since he's all about taking away everyone's guns and cutting defense spending and just generally raping the military. So he'll probably let her stay in her job but a lot of people are telling her she should resign. She'll never resign, though because I'll bet she gets to meet a lot of other gay women and why would she throw that away???
Well, enough. My fingers are tired and I have to go wash my hands again and log it in on that little sheet that B-Man makes me write on. I think it's stupid but I'll do what he says so he won't pout, which he's VERY good at doing when he doesn't get his way. I swear, if he had lost the election I'll bet he'd STILL be in his room with the door locked, even after almost 100 days! Hahahaha.
Toodles
Michelle
XOXOXOXO
No comments:
Post a Comment