I'm tellin' you, Diary, B-Man is about to lose it. Every day it's something else and he's just not built to take criticism. When we were in Chicago everyone loved him and he was always told what a great guy he was, but now it's gotten to the point that he just hates to see Bob Gibbs because he knows it's gonna' be bad news of some sort. The press beats him up...after all the money B-Man gave those newspapers and television stations during the campaign to not print anything about Bill Ayers or Reverend Wright or any of the other thugs B-Man hung with, and they're STILL mean to him!!! It just isn't fair...it's not.
The latest thing is this "Obama Toilet Paper" thing. It was sooo funny when Bush's face was on it and I have to tell you a secret....B-Man actually used some of it one time and laughed for a week over it. He kept saying, "Boy, I sure fixed that Dubbya, didn't I?" He'd just chuckle and giggle and I finally had to tell him to let it go, that it wasn't really all that funny. Well he sure doesn't think it's so funny NOW!
Somewhere he saw a picture of his face on the paper and had to go hide and smoke about a zillion cigarettes before he settled down. He's got high blood pressure, you know....well, you probably don't know because his medical records stay hidden along with his birth certificate and all. Heck, if America found out all the stuff he's hiding, a moving van would pull up to the White House tomorrow and we'd be hustled back to Chicago and "Joe The Idiot" would be the new president of the United States of America, U.S.A. So that's why he has to hide everything.
Well, anyway, he DOES have high blood pressure which is just one of the reasons I want him to quit smoking but he just won't. I'm afraid he'll have the big one sometime in the next 3+ years, which would probably make Rush Limbaugh and all those other conservative freaks just as happy as clams. And it won't take many more things like the toilet paper to push him over the top.
Well, do you want to know the latest thing that Bo The Dog (aka "Stupid") did? Do you really want to know? I hate to even tell you this one because B-Man doesn't know about it and if he finds out there'll be hell to pay. You know that picture they put in the newspaper of B-Man in the ocean in Hawaii and made all those comments about his pecs? He loved it so much he had an 8 x 10 of it printed and autographed it to himself and put it on the nightstand right next to his pillow. He told me he loves it that the very first thing he does in the morning is just roll over and see that picture of himself. So what does Stupid do sometime during the day? Well, he gets up on the bed, takes the picture in his mouth (I'm assuming that because there are teeth marks all over the frame), breaks the glass, and pees on it!!! The pee soaked right through the broken glass and ruined the picture!! I was disgusted when I saw B-Man's beautiful pecs all soaked with dog pee!
I had another one printed really quick and tried to copy B-Man's signature and all the stuff he wrote on it about how he loves himself and all, and I just hope it passes inspection. I'm sure B-Man won't ever think that it's a fake, but if he finds out it's gonna' be a hard one to explain. I'll probably tell him that one of our slaves...oops, I mean servants....must have taken the real one as a souvenir and put the fake one in it's place, hoping he wouldn't notice. That might actually make him feel good because he has to be constantly told how special he is and how everyone loves him and how he's so "historic" (if I hear that word one more time I'm gonna' scream!!). But hopefully he won't even notice since he doesn't notice much of anything these days. But here's the bottom line: Stupid has now pooped on the towel I stole from Buckingham Palace and peed on B-Man's picture. The only thing left for him to do is puke on something and he'll have covered all his fluids....well, not all of them but after he's fixed that'll take care of the last one. I'm beginning to think he was trained by the Republicans to sabotage our stuff and try to make us lose our minds. If so, he's doing a pretty good job. I've told our servants to keep Stupid out of our bedroom but they're dumber than ACORN volunteers and can't seem to remember to close the door. Besides, the turnover in our servants is incredible....they work a couple days, see how crazy and unreasonable B-Man is, and quit. So there are new ones constantly coming in and I guess they just don't get the word about the dog and the bedroom. Oh well.....
Let's see what else is happening. Hmmmm....well, that handshake with Chavez is still in the newspapers and even a bunch of Democrats are starting to wonder if B-Man isn't a little un-glued. I mean, this Chavez guy is one bad dude...he's killed all kinds of people and there's even word out that he's a child molester, but B-Man still thinks it's important that he pretends to be friends with him. There's talk about how B-Man is hurting America by acting like he's everybody's friend, even the nut-cases that run some of the other countries, but B-Man does want everyone to like him and he'll sell out America to be liked...he even told me that. Plus he doesn't really believe Iran is such a bad country or North Korea is such a bad country, or even Russia. He says it's all just a bunch of stuff to scare us. He even told me, in confidence, he thinks George Bush had the Twin Towers blown up so he could start a war with Iraq and take all their oil. But he hasn't taken all their oil so that doesn't make sense, does it? Well, a lot of what B-Man says these days doesn't make much sense...I told you the pressure is really getting to him. He's pretty much told Pelosi (who he just hates) and Rahm (who scares him) and Barney (who gives him the creeps because he's a homo and all) and Harry (who smells like an old wool sweater) to just run the country and do whatever they want. All HE wants to do is travel and keep campaigning for the rest of his first and final term.
Well, that's enough for today, Diary. I have to go eat lunch now...lobster and lots of champaign!! Then it's nap time and shower time and then it's supper time and the day's over! I just love living here in the White House..it's the easiest job I've ever had, and I don't have to lift a finger!
Toodles
Michelle
XOXOXOXO
No comments:
Post a Comment