Sorr-eeeeeee....

....I haven't written in you for a few days, Diary. I got ahold of some bad lobster the other night and I've been huggin' the commode and hopin' to die! Lordie, LORDIE!! There's a price to pay for all this high livin', that's for sure. When I lived in the hood I never got bad lobster!

Well, I'm better now anyway. I made all those servants bring me lots of ginger ale and other stuff to settle my stomach and now I'm ready to make up for lost time. I'm kinda' off lobster for the next couple days but there's always tenderloin and stuff that I deserve so I'll just switch to that I guess.

B-Man is workin' his skinny little rear end off on his "100 Days" speech. He says it feels more like 1,000 days he's been in this terrible job, but it's really only been 100. Heck, for me I think it's great, but then I don't have to go through all the torture he does...I just eat and drink and sleep and give a few speeches. Anyway, he's writing the whole speech himself so he can be "historic" (there's that word again..I hate it!!!): the first African American President to write his own 100-days speech. Yawn....I don't have a clue what'll be in it and really I don't care. I'll get an advanced copy from the teleprompter guys who type it in so B-Man doesn't make any mistakes but I doubt if I'll even read it even then. Television will be totally shot on Wednesday when he gives the speech...no matter what channel you turn to, there he'll be, smilin' and actin' serious and shuckin' and jivin', and lovin' the applause and cheers. From what I'm picking up around this place, B-Man's first 100 days have been a complete disaster and everyone is runnin' scared. Oh...forgot to mention, I don't know where he's going to be for this speech but it'll probably be in the Oval Office. All I know is I hated it when he addressed Congress and that idiot Pelosi, who sat right behind him, kept poppin' up and clappin' like a drunk monkey every time he said the slightest thing. By the time it was over I was surprised she didn't have her nose shoved right up his behind. Lordie, I cannot stand to even look at that white girl.

Oh...the dog. The press picked up that I said Stupid (aka Bo) is crazy. They made a joke about it but you know I really think he is. They said something about his chewing on people's feet...what they didn't know was about the dump on the towel and the pee on the picture incidents. If they knew how much I'd like that idiot dog to just wander off and never come back I'd have the SPCA and PETA and a bunch of other animal-lovin' freaks picketing the White House. But there's fat chance he'll ever do that because there's so much security around him every time he goes out; I guess they're afraid the Somali pirates will snatch him or something and hold him for ransom! One thing I do get a kick out of it watching those snooty Secret Service guys have to pick up Stupid's poo every time he drops a load. See, we can't have dog poo on the White House lawn or it would look bad for the nation. B-Man can kiss Hugo Chavez's rear end and bow to the Saudi king (and it WAS a bow...any fool could see that but I guess Bob Gibbs thinks he can just say it wasn't a bow and people will believe it) but no dog poo on the White House lawn! What's wrong with THAT picture?? Hahahaha. We sure live in some crazy times!

Speaking of crazy, won't that Somali pirate thing ever be put to rest? Evidently some email messages from some Navy guys got made public about how B-Man didn't react very fast and the Navy finally just had to over-ride him and shoot those sorry bastards. Well, it really is true...I told you before B-Man didn't have a clue what to do and wanted the FBI to keep negotiating with the pirates but the Navy captain on the ship gave the go-ahead when they pointed an AK47 at that guy's head, and those SEAL snipers blew them all away. Of course, B-Man had to act like it was his plan all along but in reality he was clueless....aaaaas usual! Well, it all turned out just fine and that's all that matters, right?

I have to go now, Diary, and get ready for whatever religious service B-Man has picked for us today. Honestly, one day he's Muslim and then one day he's Jewish and then one day he's Christian (even though we're not a Christian nation..remember?) and I just don't know what we'll be today. You want to know the truth? B-Man doesn't believe in God at all...or Allah...or any of those other people. He says we're our own gods and have to act like a god if we want to get ahead. I don't have a clue what he means by that but he was talking the other night about getting a tattoo on his foot that would say, "I Am God". I'm afraid he's losin' it...

Toodles
Michelle
XOXOXOXOXO