With all this Swine flu stuff and Chrysler declaring bankruptcy and all the other terrible things B-Man is having to deal with, you'd think the press would leave ME alone for a little while, wouldn't you? I mean, I'm really not all that important but I guess all the drooling fans around the country..maybe even around the world since I was such a big hit when I went to Europe for whatever reason it was...I hardly remember...just need their daily fix of me and B-Man.
So here's the deal....I go to this food bank here in Washington, right? B-Man makes me do things like that to make a good impression on everyone, even though I HATE to even associate with all those nasty poor people who smell and look like they've been sleeping in a cardboard box. Heck, most of them don't even know who I am, and sometimes when I ask them, they don't even know who B-Man is!!!! Can you believe that?? The most famous man in the whole world right now and they don't even know!! When I find one like that I give them a picture of him and a copy of his book to read so maybe they'll get educated. So...anyway....I'm at this food bank giving stuff to eat to nasty, homeless people, and by mistake I wear my newest shoes. They're some of those Lanvin sneakers and I have to admit I paid over $500 for them. When I told B-Man what they cost he went nuts because he said we're supposed to represent the poor and the oppressed and all, but he smoked about ten cigarettes and drank some beer and finally he settled down. Then he admitted that we deserve to be treated like kings and I could get another pair of those sneakers that cost over $1,000 if I wanted to and the American public can just get over it. He said we got to the White House through a lot of hard work and now we're livin' high on the hog for the next four years!!! To be honest, the work we did wasn't all that hard...heck, it wasn't really even work. So I guess we really sort of sneaked into the White House, huh? Hahahah....well...we're here and too bad for everyone else who wanted to be here instead of us, especially that witch Hillary.
Honestly, Diary, she is looking worse and worse every day I see her! She has a bag the size of a Big Mac under each of those beady little eyes and her hair points out in all directions and she just looks like warmed over yak doo-doo. And when she talks her mouth is all puckered up like she just smelled one of B-Man's gas bubbles! Oooo...she really is disgusting. She gets puffed up like a boy peacock when she gets to do a press conference and acts like such a big-wig when really all she has is that title B-Man gave her because he's so afraid of Bill. She gets told what to say and do by other people and I think it's starting to get on her nerves. Here she wanted to be president and now she's really just a puppet with bags under her eyes and huge hips she tries to hide in those ugly pant-suits she wears. Which doesn't work if you've ever seen her from behind...whoooo..no wonder Bill doesn't even sleep in the same bed with her any more!
Anyway, the press makes this huge deal out of my expensive shoes, so I told them I have to get up at 5:30 every morning to walk Stupid The Dog and I needed some sneakers to wear. I know it was lame but it was all I could think of and I'm sure it was better than what B-Man would have come up with since he wouldn't have had his teleprompter to tell him what to say. And the stupid press bought it!!! Nobody even asked me why I couldn't have gotten a $50 pair of Nikes to walk Stupid with. Honestly, we can pretty much say and do anything we want and those idiots in the press make it alright. I think I could choke Stupid with my bare hands (which I'm tempted to do on a daily basis) and the headlines in the paper would be, "Bo Obama Asphyxiates On Chicken Bone And Dies". I had to look "asphyxiates" up in the dictionary because I didn't have a clue how to spell it. I didn't even know it has and "x" in it! So the press is pretty much just a joke....we might as well have Rahm just write the stories and send them to the newspapers to print.
Oh, before I go, I need to tell you a secret: now that B-Man runs the automobile companies, he's going to have them build a car and name it after ME!!! Can you believe that?? A car called the "Michelle"! So pretty soon my name will be plastered all over new cars on those little metal plates you can't even take off if you wanted to! I think he's also going to have one named after each of our girls, and he told me he's going to try to convince NASA to name one of the space shuttles after him and have a huge picture of his face painted on the nose of it! So when it goes into outer space, if there are any aliens out there (which we both think there are), maybe they'll see his face and realize how nice the earth is and call off their plans to attack us and turn us all into zombies. At least that's the plan, which I believe will work. Of course, like I said, B-Man has to convince NASA to do it. Since he's cut funding to practically everything if it even smells a little like defense, I'm sure NASA took some hits and they may not want his face on a shuttle. Ahh..he can just call some of his Chicago buddies and they can threaten to break some kneecaps and I'll bet they'll bust their rear ends to get it done then!! B-Man knows some really nasty people, believe me, and they owe him some huge favors.
Well, I'm tired now. I've been up for almost an hour and I think I'll knock back a half-dozen mimosa's and catch a quick nap before lunch.
Toodles
Michelle
XOXOXOXO
love it keep writing
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