Another day in paradise.

Well, Diary, we're still here! Haven't gotten kicked out yet!! Isn't it amazing that B-Man and me can be hangin' out with all these important people and living in the White House and we don't have a CLUE what we're doin' here??? It's like the ultimate joke on America! Hey...we went for the gold ring and snatched it right off the pole, and now we're livin' the life of Riley!

Let's see....I guess that silly White House Correspondents' Dinner is hot news...the one where B-Man tried to be funny and then that Wanda Sykes got everyone upset. I did NOT want to go there but B-Man made me, so I drank an entire bottle of champagne before we even got out the door and honestly don't remember a whole lot about it. But I did hear that B-Man, who wrote his own jokes, went over like a fart in church. I told him he needed a professional to write that stuff but he fancies himself to be a real comedian so he just went right ahead and did what he wanted. It was about as well done as that speech he wrote for his inauguration....a real flop. And I told him to memorize it for goodness sakes, but he didn't and he kept looking at his papers so he wouldn't screw up the jokes. At least I was told he did because like I say, I was pretty much blind and deaf from so much champagne. I have to tell you a secret, Diary.....I have this thing made out of PVC pipe and shaped sort of like the letter "H". They made it for me here in the White House, and before these big dinners they fasten it to my chair back but nobody can see it. They tip it up so the "H" is sideways and I sit back against it and they put a bungee chord around my stomach and fasten it to the pipe thing. That way I won't slouch over and fall out of the chair when I get really drunk. It works like a charm but I can't get up until the end of the dinner when they take the bungee off, so I have to make sure to pee before the meal starts! But don't tell anyone about that, ok?

So B-Man does his jokes (I'm being kind when I call them that) and then that Sykes (or is it Sikes? It's always confused me how two letters can sound exactly the same.) woman gets up and says some things that don't go over too well. Well, people laughed...even B-Man (and he took some heat for it later) but I'm told she said some really ugly things. And then that idiot Bob Gibbs had to make some weak statement to the press to cover it up....like B-Man wasn't responsible for what she said and some other hot air. Honestly, if Gibbs didn't have some dirt on B-Man, he'd be out on his sorry rear end and doing the weather on some po-dunk television station in Montana. B-Man won't tell me what it is but it has to do with something that went on in Chicago while he was a Senator for 147 days. Heck, B-Man was involved in so much illegal stuff it could be any of like a thousand things, so it doesn't much matter that I don't know which one. But Gibbs found out somehow and told B-Man he'd write a book if he got fired. So I guess we're stuck with him for a couple more years.

Ohhhh....this economy thing. B-Man is starting to panic, Diary. He's smoking more than ever and isn't sleeping well either. He's gotten a lot of advise about what to do but things just keep going downhill....jobs are going away and the banks are in trouble and he's just at his wit's end. But he told me the worst that could happen is everything would collapse and he'd still have a job, so I guess it's not all that important in the end, huh? We'll still have free food and a nice house, and that's really all that matters.

One other thing before I go to take my nap: Dick Cheney. B-Man absolutely hates Cheney because he just won't go AWAY, and he keeps ragging on B-Man and telling everyone how America isn't safe from terrorists any more and how the administration is doing stupid things. Look, he's not vice president any more and we think he should just go somewhere and retire, but he won't do it. B-Man told me he's seriously considering contacting some of his friends in Chicago and seeing if they couldn't encourage Cheney to have one of his massive heart attacks. I don't have a clue how they could do that, but I don't put anything past them because those men can do some pretty wild things. If B-Man does that and they do their thing, America will never know it wasn't a heart attack because they're GOOD at what they do. So maybe Cheney should keep quite and stay out of B-Man's business. Don't say I didn't warn you, Diary.

Well....that's enough for one day. I'm exhausted and need some champagne and a nap. More later.

Toodles
Michelle
XOXOXOXO