Monday, May 25, 2009

B-Man And Memorial Day


Well, here it is...Memorial Day. Another historic first, according to B-Man: "The first Memorial Day in America's history with a half black president in office". He actually said "black", rather than "half black"...those are my words. I guess if we ever get a really all black president then everything will have to be historical over again. I am so tired of his saying that all the time..I told him that but he says to just get over it.

So Memorial Day is supposed to be the day we honor all the soldiers who died defending our country. Neither B-Man nor I have a clue about the military, really. B-Man didn't serve because he was scared and since military service is optional he decided he'd just let other people defend our country while he went to school and got into politics. And now he's supposed to be the Commander in Chief, the boss of all the soldiers. Talk about crazy!! He can't even "command" Stupid The Dog, much less soldiers! Heck, guns scare him, fighting scares him, sleeping in a tent scares him, even guys in uniform scare him! He's pretty much scared of his own shadow.

He told me he doesn't understand Memorial Day. We don't have a day where we honor other kinds of people who die, do we? Like cab drivers, or mailmen, or highway workers, or hunters? So he doesn't really think we should have a day where we honor dead military people. He told me he was thinking about proposing to Congress that we get rid of Memorial Day and replace it with "B. Hussein Obama Day" where people could honor him, the first half-black president of the United States. I thought he was just foolin' around but then I realized he was serious! I just didn't say anything to him but I think he's letting this presidency thing get to him. I caught him looking in the mirror the other day muttering, "I am the president of the United States"..."I AM the president of the United States"....I am THE president of the United States". He was putting emphasis on different words in the sentence. He didn't know I was watching and after a few minutes I just shook my head and walked away. I do think he's losing it.

I believe the Pelosi thing is finally over. After she accused the CIA of lying to Congress and then had to defend her statement, the press jumped on her with both feet. She's not very slick at defending herself and said some really stupid things, so B-Man called her up and told her to get out of the country until this thing blows over. So she left on a five day trip to China. Now, Diary, I don't have a clue what she is going to do there. She doesn't have any skills and she doesn't speak Chinese, and she hates stir fry and teriyaki and Spring rolls and all that other Chinese stuff, so I don't have any idea what she'll do while she's there. Maybe she'll just stay in the plane on the runway and sleep or something. And then she'll come back and continue to make a fool of herself. Man...she's a whacko.

As soon as B-Man gets done making some speeches today, we're going to cook some ribs in the White House garden. B-Man got them to get a really good barbecue grill and stick it out there so we can grill things so that's what we're going to do. When we lived back in Chicago, we'd get all our friends and supporters and thugs crooks and radicals and crazys and what-not together on holidays...at least during warm weather....and cook stuff and drink a lot of beer and act silly. We can't do all that here because the photographers would publish pictures of us swilling beer and dancing and doing nutsy stuff and then that idiot Robert Gibbs would have to make some story to feed the White House Press Corps and it just isn't worth it. But we are going to grill some ribs later this afternoon, believe me!

Diary, I have a confession to make: it's only 2:00 p.m. and I've already drunk two whole bottles of champagne. I'm not really even all that loopy, either. I think my body is getting used to all the alcohol I'm drinking, which is too bad because it takes more to get a buzz on than it used to. Of course it's free, but I get bloated after drinking too much of that stuff.

Well, I think I hear B-Man coming, so I'd better go. He's always crabby after giving speeches and not being able to smoke cigarettes, so I'd better have one lit up for him so he can start sucking that smoke into his lungs. Honestly, I wish he'd quit, but he just won't. He says that as long as cigarettes are free (which they are while he's president), he'll never quit.

I have to go now so we can go have a picnic or something.

Toodles
Michelle
XOXOXOXOXO

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