Been A Long Time, Huh?

I know, I know, Diary...it's been a long time since I've written in you. But B-Man has had me HOPPIN'! Plus I have to be honest...he read some of the things I wrote in you and put me in time out for a while because he says, "You're tellin' too many of my secrets and you need to stop for a while". Well, I've stopped for a while but I can't quit putting secrets in you because that's what you're for! He never should have stuck his nosy old nose in you anyway. What happened was he ran out of cigarettes and got all frantic and started tearing our bedroom up and found you and read you. So thanks to that nasty habit of his...that he SAID publicly he's quitting but really isn't....he found you and read you. Honestly, sometimes when he's asleep I've though about taking two of his cigarettes and shoving them waaaaaay up his nose just to make him nuts. But I've seen him when he's craaaazy mad...like when Joe Biden says ANOTHER stupid thing or when Pelosi opens her fat yap, and I don't want to be the object of his anger. So I just think about shoving those cigarettes up his nose but I don't do it. But when I think about it, it makes me laugh, especially after I've knocked back a few bottles of the bubbly.

Well, Diary, there's a big stink now about my purse...the one I carried while B-Man and I were in Russia. Some idiot photographer took a picture of us and I honestly didn't think that little bitty purse would even show up, but somebody noticed it and identified it and now B-Man is super mad at me. He was clueless about it...I mean who would even think that little thing would cost $6,000!! Once he found out he chewed me out big time for buying it. I told him, "You get off my back. We're rich now and I don't care what you said about being the 'president of the people', I'm livin' high while I can and you just have to get used to it!". That didn't go over too well with him and he chain-smoked about 10 cigarettes before he finally calmed down. But that's the way I feel, Diary: I don't give a rat's rear end about the poor people in America. They're poor because they're not smart enough to figure out how to be rich like we were. If they'd just sell their souls to the devil like B-Man did in Chicago, they'd be carrying $6,000 purses!

Speaking of Russia, that was some trip! I didn't get to meet that Putin guy but that's fine with me because he scares me. B-Man said he scared HIM too, but then B-Man is afraid of everyone. B-Man said Putin's eyes were evil and if there's ever anyone who knows what evil looks like, it's B-Man. I didn't realize that Putin used to be KGB! Heck, I'll bet he's put a pistol to a few people's heads and pulled the trigger, huh?

But I did get to meet that Dmitry Medvedev and his wife Svetlana; now they were some nice folks. They gave us some kind of special, rare caviar and some Russian champagne, and you know what a pushover I am for those two things. After drinking a bunch of the champagne, I swear I could start understanding what they were saying in Russian before the translator even translated! I know it was my imagination but it seemed so real. I had this crazy thought that maybe I could speak Russian, so the next day while we were walking outside I made up some words and said them to some people that walked by. They gave me some strange looks and started walking faster, so I guess whatever I said wasn't real Russian. Hmmmm.....

I'll tell you, Diary, I'm ready for Summer to be over! I sweat like Fat Elvis when the temperature goes up and I hate it. A couple more months and I can start wearing all the really nice Fall and Winter outfits I've bought. Can't wait for that!

Another secret for you, Diary: B-Man had to get his hair colored yesterday. He's turning gray faster than the economy is crashing. All the stuff going on is just making him nuts, and when he found out his approval ratings are starting to tank, I thought he was going to have the big one. Rahm says not to worry about it but B-Man wants everyone to love and adore and worship him, and he DOES worry about it. He told Rahm to go pound sand...he'd worry about it if he wanted. Which didn't make Rahm very happy, but B-Man can kick him out of the room if he wants.....any time he wants.....and he's done it a few times even though Rahm scares him.

Well, I gotta' go, Diary. It's almost 10:00 a.m. and that's when I have my morning snack.

Toodles
Michelle
XOXOXOXOXO