London, Here We Come!!

This is soooo cool! I'm writing this as the B-Man and I head to London to the G20 conference...you know, the one where all the world leaders get together and talk about a bunch of things and then the stock market crashes right after it's over because nobody can agree to anything. But I don't care because I'm writing this from Air Force One, the most kick-ass airplane on the planet!! B-Man and I just love riding in it because he gets to wear that jacket (which honestly, he looks kinda' silly in it because he's so skinny and all) and we are just spoiled by everyone. Lord knows we deserve it what with our ancestors bein' slaves and all. Well, B-Man's really weren't but mine probably were and that's all that counts. Anyway, we'd go for a ride in this thing every day if we could get away with it but the Conservatives would make a big deal out of it and then we'd have to stop doing it. Another thing I love about this plane is how jealous Nancy Pelosi is of it. She flies around in those Air Force Gulfstream G-IV's and thinks she's just so hot, but compared to Air Force One, her G-IV is a tinker toy. And she knows it. Whenever I get the chance and I'm around her, which believe me I try to avoid (not only is she one stupid white woman but she wears so much perfume my eyes run), I always mention Air Force One. Her face gets all tense and the chords stand out on her neck and I just giggle to myself.

Soooo....we're heading to London. I've never been there but I hear it's a really neat city. I won't be able to wander around and shop and stuff like I'd really like to do because of the security risk. I've heard London has enough Muslims to populate another country and since B-Man was a Muslim once...but isn't any more....they aren't too fond of him. Something in that book of theirs that says anyone who does that should be put to death. So everyone's afraid if I go out in the city one of those loonies will snatch me and then hold me hostage or even cut off my head, which I'd rather avoid. So I guess I'll pretty much be stuck in the hotel or pretty close by it.

B-Man tried to set up a trip for me to meet the Queen of England...that really old lady...I don't remember her name. But for some reason her people said she was "busy" the whole time we're gonna' be here. I find that hard to believe. Have you ever seen her? She always wears this heavy coat and those Wicked Witch Of The West shoes and just goes around and shakes people's hands. I don't have a clue what she's up to that would keep me from meeting her, but that's what her people told our people so I guess that's that. I really wanted to be able to sing that song, "Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been? I've been to London to visit the Queen" to my girls and when it came to that second part be able to sing it really loud and point to myself and make a big deal out of it. But I guess that won't happen. Oh well..it's her loss to not be able to spend time with the first black First Lady in the history of the universe.

B-Man has been really busy studying up on world economics so he won't sound like a complete dunce at this conference. He told me he really doesn't understand most of it but he has helpers who can talk in his ear through that little hearing aid thing he wears and keep him from digging too big a hole if he has to talk. We brought the teleprompter with us on the plane...heck, we brought a couple of them in case one of them breaks, and there are a bunch of people who type stuff that appears on it and he can read from that. But it might be hard to hide it from everyone so they'll know what's he's going to say even before he says it. Not good. With our luck there'll be a repeat of that snafu with that guy from Ireland and B-Man will have to cover his tracks again! He's really good at that, though, coming up through the Chicago political machine. Heck, he can fabricate a lie faster than you can blink and get out of the biggest doggone messes you've ever seen. He's a real genius at that.

I'm startin' to get drowsy now so I think I'll take a little nap on the CALIFORNIA KING sized bed we have in our private quarters. Honestly, you just wouldn't believe this plane!! We had lobster and Kobe beef and champagne for lunch and I always get sleepy when I stuff myself. The rest of the people and the crew and all had spaghetti and garlic bread but they said it was really good. The only bad thing is the bread stunk up the plane, so I think I'll just sleep off the champagne buzz and by the time I wake up I'll bet the garlic smell will be gone. I hope so anyway.

I'll write a whole bunch while we're here because I'll have a lot of free time and I can share what's going on with you.

P.S.: I hear pot's really easy to get here! Maybe B-Man and I can get toked up and have some really hot English sex tonight!! Tee-hee!!

XOXOXOXO
Michelle